May your burdens be light

I received this email from my sweet friend Alexis after she read my latest blog entry "Preparing for Kindergarten"...as an insight to our story (and our life), please read my response and know that we make it through because of friends like this.
After all the tears (thank God for Cathy sending over another dinner...perfect timing) I surprised the boys and together we all made chocolate chip cookies...seizing the moment.

Oh Cami,
I can't imagine the emotions you are feeling right now and ever day. I wish I could lessen your burdens.The Burden that you have is one Natural Condition. In my opinion it is one of the hardest to bear because we do not cause or Ask for such burdens to be placed on our shoulders. In a talk by Elder L. Whitney Clayton , he states " That your burdens may be light." and says the following;
No matter the burdens we face in life as a consequence of natural conditions, the misconduct of others, or our own mistakes and shortcomings, we are all children of a loving Heavenly Father, who sent us to earth as part of His eternal plan for our growth and progress. Our unique individual experiences can help us prepare to return to Him. The adversity and afflictions that are ours, however difficult to bear, last, from heaven’s perspective, for “but a small moment; and then, if [we] endure it well, God shall exalt [us] on high.”1 We must do everything we can to bear our burdens “well” for however long our “small moment” carrying them lasts.
Burdens provide opportunities to practice virtues that contribute to eventual perfection. And [become] as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us], even as a child doth submit to his father.”2 Thus burdens become blessings, though often such blessings are well disguised and may require time, effort, and faith to accept and understand.

I know that burdens are not meant to hinder us but to create growth and blessings. I know that heavenly father wants what is best for us and that is not always created by thoreless roses and merry-go-rounds.

I share this with you Cami, Because you are Goddess of your Heavenly Father. He loves you so much and he know that if anyone can make lemonade out of lemons it would be you. He knows that you are exactly what Trey needs and that you are a loving and supportive MOTHER BEAR. He knows that you will fight and LOVE. He know that you will always do RIGHT.

When you were over the other night I could feel your stress and see the anguish in your eyes. I know that you are suffering inside, silently. I wish you didn't have to endure this great trial and pain. I want you to know that the Lord is by your side. In a blessing that I received once it said. "do all that you can do with your trials and burdens and when you can do no more, then hand them over to the lord and he will do the rest." I think that you Cami Lane are AMAZING. You are amazing with Trey, with all your boys. You as a mother deep inside know what is best for your boys. You will always make the right decision. Don't question yourself.

I hope you know how much I love you and cherish our FRIENDSHIP! YOU ARE AMAZING and YOU can ENDURE this. You have the STRENGTH inside you Cami. YOU REALLY REALLY DO! The STRENGTH that you have Cami I can compare to nothing else but the strength of our Heavenly Father who sent his son to this earth to SUFFER for US.

LOVE beyond MEASURE
Your Friend.
Lexi
____________________________________________________________________________
Lex,
I can’t even reply there are so many tears in my eyes…thank you! Thank you for taking the time to write, for noticing my pain and for stopping to share your feelings.

I read over and over again how my pain will only lead to greatness but I just can’t seem to put my arms around such when I am living this horrible nightmare, enduring this great pain, witnessing this deep hurt. I read what you wrote and I took it all in and again I thank you.

My blessing is that I have been given the gift to take nothing for granted, not a day, not an accomplishment with my children, and for that I am thankful. But the daily suffering sometimes feel’s like more than I can handle…the day ends, I fall asleep…the sun comes up and the journey begins again. Everyday is filled with smiles and tears. The moments that made me smile are forever etched in my memory yet the moments that brought about the tears seem to linger, they linger at least until the next smile and then I forget about the pain for that moment and thank God for that blessing, but again, the pain comes around and again the concern’s hover.

My heartache doesn't come from my pain but from the pain I fear Trey will endure. I want to save him from all of it…EVERY SINGLE BIT and it kills me inside to know that I can’t, in even the slightest way (esp. when he’s away from me). I dread that day when the questions come, when he asks me why, when he is brought to tears wondering what made him deserve such a fate. It will be in his face daily, from his brothers to his friends all doing things he could only dream of. Just think of a time when you were so sad because you felt as if you didn’t fit in…it may have only happened once or twice but you still remember it, now multiply that by a lifetime.

I pray that God has made Trey stronger than me, that his confidence will be so much more than mine and that his outlook will be taken from a different perspective because he’s never known better. This throbbing in my heart can’t be put into words, this “small moment” feels like forever and it’s only been four short years. Nothing seems fair, nothing feels right about this and as any mother who has been dealt such a hand can attest, nothing is as it was planned.

I have been blessed with three incredible boys, looking at them, knowing it could be worse, my burden is lightened. I will learn only because I have no choice but to accept this fate...that I will never, ever understand.

Again, thank you for your time and friendship!!!

Love ya Lex,
Cami