Preparing for Kindergarten

With a deep sigh I drudge forward, not knowing if I'm doing the right thing or not and not knowing until possibly after the fact what the best choice would have been.

I recently had a meeting with Trey's school physical therapist for an evaluation and a recommendation for Trey's future in the public school setting. The summary we received after 6 months of preschool is as follows:

Trey exhibits functional motor skills that allow him to access the classroom and campus. He does need closer supervision at times on the playground than other students, due to his cervical instability, but otherwise he plays appropriately on the playground. He does have a tendency to have "bad" motor skills days and may require classroom staff to supervise him more. He will require more supportive seating to more effectively perform fine motor skills tasks and class projects. Trey is aware of his limitations and will compensate for those limitations as they arise.

This is the second recommendation we've received from Trey's teachers that he be integrated into the public classroom setting. We still have an IEP meeting with all those educators that will determine Trey's needs and give their final recommendations but from the looks of it, they all seem to see no reason why Trey wouldn't go to Drake and Broc's school next year.

Mike and I are so torn. We want to do the right thing by Trey and make sure we are making the best decisions for him but at the same time, we would love to shield him from any undue ridicule or pressure that the public school setting might produce. Is there such a program where the parent could walk every step with their child to keep them from harms way??? Because I would like to sign up.

So back to the meeting with the PT, I was taken completely off guard when the therapist informed me that Trey knows that he is different and that he doesn't like when he is told to do things differently than his peers as he would much rather just blend in with the crowd.

I know the questions are just around the corner but I had no idea how soon. I am scared to death that I won't say the right thing or that I would say too much or maybe even not enough...I will take the burden any day but the day that Mike and I have to share the pain with Trey is the day I will die inside. The older he gets and the more his friends are doing, the taller they are getting and the activities they are performing that he can't only brings me closer to having to explain to my baby "why". I don't think I will ever be ready for this day, never ready to see the pain in his eyes and never, ever able to help him understand because I don't and never will.

Kindergarten registration begins in two weeks. I cried when I sent Drake and Broc off to their first day of kindergarten, I will lose a piece of my heart when Trey walks through those doors...this will be one of those days that I will pray for God to carry me.