I realize a lot of you may not understand, knowing we already have three beautiful children but the thought of me getting “fixed” today truly saddens me (I had the Essure procedure done). I feel a bit empty, kinda like a part of my happiness relating to being pregnant and being a mom was stolen from me when we found out Trey was sick – the rug was pulled from under my feet and now I am ending that chapter in my life. I know we don’t want anymore babies (or was that decision made for me by default?) but I want my happy memories back. We had it all…I truly felt guilty that our children were so beautiful, happy and healthy and that it was so easy for us to get pregnant…I guess it all came with a price. I love Trey, Drake and Broc more than life itself and I know that Trey is the ONLY Trey their will ever be but what I would give to turn back the clock and know what I know now and still be able to have the “Trey sperm and egg” to conceive him in the healthy form.
Mike and I were about to “go for” baby number four up until that alarming day in November 2007. Up until this day, doctor appointment after doctor appointment, not one could diagnose our then 2 ½ year old baby, Trey. Mike and I went into this meeting with the mindset that if this ends up being another appointment that we leave from with no answers or even hunches, we would try one more time for another baby. Of course I thought it would be wonderful to give Trey a playmate since Drake and Broc are so close in age, to add another “little Lane” and make our family an even number would be the best for all involved (in time Mike too would agree J).
I remember my childhood with my two older brothers being so close in age, two years later I come along and yet another little Cuomo, just 18 months after me... 4 Cuomo kids – 2 and 2. I can’t imagine my life without my baby brother…my dress up doll, my playmate, my best friend. I wanted the same for Trey. Needless to say, Mike and I recognized the intuition of the doctor at that appointment on that frightful day and in that moment my dreams of adding to our beautiful family was brought to a screaming halt.
Fast forward two years, again, doctor appointment after doctor appointment, a correct diagnosis and the reality that another baby (stem cells, umbilical cord, etc.) would not be able to help Trey and his condition, we have decided to do something permanent about the situation. I have come to the realization that we are done having babies. Knowing what I know now (and didn’t at the time we were going to try again), I believe God was instrumental in making us “wait” before we went ahead with our plan to conceive again…our story was written.
My procedure is irreversible but I rest in the fact that IF there were ever a way to save Trey’s precious life we could through IVF. For now, there will be no unplanned pregnancies; God knows I couldn’t go through a pregnancy knowing the chances of conceiving another affected baby. Thank you for “intervening”, our story continues...
*photos are in order from last to first - me; 9 months pregnant with Drake, 9 months pregnant with Broc and 9 months pregnant with Trey
1 comment:
Cami,
Oh how I remember those days of being "with child" and how we were all set to stop at 3. Those days seem so far away now that all my kids are grown, sure wish I did more journaling back then. I think it is so important to remember back to the times of our lives. We were blessed with four children and quite the journey in raising them.
You have such a beautiful family and blessed with your boys, especially Trey.
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