So again this week Trey questioned his "differences" at school and asked me why he had to ride a bike. Again he had to ask me this just as he was about to get on the bus. I explained to him that he gets more tired of walking than his friends and he said that he didn't. I asked him if he'd like to walk from his classroom to the cafeteria and he said, "yes". I asked him of he thought he could walk as fast as his friends and he said, "yes". With that, I was about to tell him that I would ask his teacher if he could try to walk a bit more and ride the trike a bit less when all of the sudden he changed the subject on me and could care less what my solution to his bike problem was...as if he had never even brought up the subject.
And again tonight as we were getting ready for bed Trey asked if he was going to grow bigger. I told him I'd hope so and he replied with, "yeah, that's why I go to the doctors everyday, everyday." I was trying to think of something to say back when he completely changed the subject and once again could care less about talking about it anymore. It was like he just needed to hear it again from me and then moved on.
Whew...can't believe that he hasn't broken down yet about these realities and that he is either so dang strong or still just doesn't 'get it' but one thing I do know for sure is that I will NEVER be ready. The way I described it to a good friend was that "these questions just keep coming at me like hail on my heart"...ouch! I believe this will never get easier, but on the contrary..only harder and harder as he gets older and this horrid disease takes more and more of a toll on his little body.
I love you angel and wish I was half as strong as you! Sad to think that when this all does hit the fan that you will be carrying me instead of the other way around...go figure!
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